Dear Readers,
It's been six weeks since I officially started my PhD studies at the University of the Arts London. As usual, time slips through my hands like bathwater (warm, with a sense of familiarity), although a quick glance through my diary over the last few weeks reveals pages black with inked appointments.
The beginning has felt slightly passive - lots of people to meet, information to take in, speeches to listen to. And of course reading, endless reading, and not nearly enough writing or output of any kind, really. I had an minor accident at the beginning of October, which resulted in quite deep bruising on my hands and legs. I was in quite low spirits because of that, but also because of the very real isolation that a PhD student endures. In general, I am happy in my own company, and can stand to be alone more than most. But there's nothing quite like the madness that comes from being shut up alone in a small room for a whole day, optic nerves throbbing from too much screen time, printed words blurring on a paper page.
Every month feels like a fresh new start, but I find myself unable to keep to the deadlines that I set myself; the goals I imagined with so much enthusiasm just trickle away in a blur of tiredness and procrastination. That's one of the reasons that I thrive in the education system, and found being self-employed so challenging: an external demand negating choice, forcing output. There's so much to do, and it's so hard to do it all.
Anyway, I'd love to write a monthly PhD blog throughout my studies, but I don't want to commit to anything at this stage. Throughout 2017 I have found my writing practice more slippery and elusive than ever before. I came to accept this eventually, but I truly hope that things will get better as we reach the new year.
Till next time,
Anushka
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