Saturday, 2 May 2015

5 top tips for how to prepare for a feminist protest

If you're a Londoner, you cannot have failed to see last month's (a) horrendous yellow campaign plastered all over the London Underground, and (b) the extensive outrage that followed, online and in the medias, social and general.

Today, Saturday 2nd May, a demonstration has been arranged for 3pm at Speaker's Corner, Hyde Park. The papers rather predictably call it an angry feminist protest; the organisers call it a party celebrating all body types. I'm sure that as usual the truth lies somewhere in between, and I'm really curious about how events will transpire!

 If you are thinking of going along, here are my tips for preparing for a protest...

1. Remove all jewellery, spectacles, and loose items of clothing.

This isn't the place to show off your finest heirloom pieces, and you'd be more upset if they got damaged. Plus, you don't want to end up being the poor sod whose glasses get knocked off in a skirmish, trodden on and smashed (due to police brutality and kettling, obvs) and have to go around with cracked eyewear for the rest of the day! Yikes!

2. Waterproof eyeliner for the win

A protest is a public event, and on public events in Britain, it is pretty much guaranteed to rain. Enough said.

3. Keep solid foundations with footwear and a backpack

Marching with placards demands comfort, warmth, and free hands!

4. Dress for the occasion!

This campaign is a riotous debunking of the myth that you should have to look a certain way to appear confidently in public, specifically, the beach. The event organisers are encouraging all participants to turn up in swimwear and flaunt their bodies in glorious variety, imperfect or perfect.

If you've got a sense of humour, individual style, a love of vintage, or poor circulation (let me repeat: swimwear. Beginning of May. Outdoors. England) then I suggest you look to the formative years of the 20th century for inspiration. The beachwear may have questionable waterproofing qualities, but the combination of knitting and tunic length separates seem like the ideal qualities in costume for this occasion.

Those of you who are likely to feel a little warm in a crowd, but enjoy preserving some modesty, might like to turn to the 1940s for ideas...

Then we have the 1950s and 1960s, with bikinis to shake your money maker in, accessorised by really big hair.

Finally, my outfit suggestions for the most confident amongst you. The 1970s is known for second wave feminism and crochet dresses. But did you know how risqué swimwear was in that period? Transparent bikinis on the cover of a rather conventionally-titled Woman's Day publication - wowee! Talk about #freethenipple - if this isn't a sign that we've regressed, then I don't know what is.

Please note that for these outfits, an underlayer of flesh coloured thermals is strongly recommended.

5. Stay safe, keep a sense of humour, and have fun.

Now go and kick some chauvinist pig arse.

The demonstration is planned for 3pm at Speaker's Corner, Hyde Park, London. More info on the event here.


  1. Hilarious, darling - which one are you going in?

    1. Thanks! I went for the Edwardian option, though sadly the reference seemed lost on the press...